SLIDE"
by Abigail
Summary: Life altering realizations between Carter and Abby prompt Abby to reevaluate her life with Luka.


"Slide"  
  
A lonesome jazz melody played off in the distance. The morning sun gently tickled the walls, as an early breeze blew the curtains to and fro. Taking in a deep breath, adjusting herself to her surrounding, Abby pulled the covers up to her chin and rolled over. Sighing easily, she checked the clock. It was only a little after eight. She wasn't on the schedule for today, thanks to the recent events that had transposed at County. For safety sake, Kerry had opted to give both her and Carter a two week vacation. "We just want to make sure that nothing is going to take effect. It's just a precaution, Abby, don't worry." Don't worry, she had just been exposed to smallpox, but, hey, don't worry.  
  
Kicking at the sheets, she swung her feet over the side of the bed and searched for her slippers. No where to be found. "Figures," she muttered. Taking a quick glimpse at herself in the mirror, Abby frowned. She looked like hell, she'd been through hell. At this point in her life, she was seriously considering that her life was hell.  
  
Making her way through the short hallway, she spotted Carter at the coffee pot. She paused, leaned against the wall, and stared in amusement. He was swaying side-to-side in tune with the monotonous music in the background. To her, all jazz silently sounded the same, forlorn.  
  
"It's too early to be in such a good mood," she spoke as she headed into the kitchen.  
  
He spun around, tilted his head, and smiled easily, "Good morning. Coffee?"  
  
Abby reached for her mug and held it out, "Please."  
  
John obliged, "Sugar? Milk?"  
  
Shaking her head, she replied, "No, straight for me."  
  
"I don't know how you can drink this stuff without sugar." Carter poured himself a cup and added a small spoon of sugar. Pulling a chair out from the table, he sat down, staring thoughtfully at her.  
  
"I got use to drinking it black when I was getting use to the idea of being an alcoholic. Nothing cures a hangover better then coffee. Toying with it by adding milk and sugar, well, it just flattens the effects." Pulling the chair out from across John, she sat down.  
  
"How's the AA meetings going, anyway?"  
  
Abby pretended not to hear him, and gazed out the window.  
  
"Abby? Did you hear me?" Carter leaned forward, as if he thought the closer he spoke to her, the more alert she would become.  
  
"Huh? Oh, yea…the AA meetings. Their going. I mean, I'm going, if that's what you are referring to."  
  
"Do you want me to go with you to one? I'd be more then happy to."  
  
Abby hesitated, then spoke, "No, I'd rather you didn't. You've already paid the price and done the time." Laughing unsurely, she sighed and leaned back in her chair.  
  
Silence passed, along with the minutes. Neither one of them really knew what they were doing at her apartment. It was just…well, one of those things. One of those things that neither one of them was sure would lead to. Both of them let their stares fall to opposite sides of the apartment.  
  
"Well, this is nice," Carter joked.  
  
"Just what I was thinking." Abby got up and placed her coffee cup in the sink. Running a small amount of water in the bottom of the mug, she turned around. "So?"  
  
A somewhat confused look approached John's face, "So what?"  
  
"So, what are we doing here?"  
  
"Here, as in 'here' do you mean in your apartment drinking coffee, or 'here' as in this place in our lives?" John stood up, copied Abby's previous motions, placing his cup in the sink, and turned to face her. They were inches apart from one another, yet to Abby, it seemed as if they could have been miles apart.  
  
"Take your pick, John. I'm open to all ideas." She tilted her head slightly to the left, with an amused smile across her face.  
  
"Well, we are in your apartment drinking coffee this morning because it is what people do. The reason why we are here, both of us, in your apartment is…well…Abby, need I explain?" He smiled broadly and Abby responded by a quick punch in the shoulder.  
  
"Hey, come on." Rubbing his upper arm quickly, he sighed. "I have no idea what we are doing here."  
  
"That makes two of us." Abby crossed the floor and made her way to the couch. Plopping herself down, she reached for a pillow and held it in her lap. John followed her, and sat down on the opposite end of the overstuffed piece of furniture.  
  
"Where do you want to be, Abby?" He crossed his legs and leaned back, appearing to be sincere in his question.  
  
"I want to be in the Bahamas right about now, but that is beside the point," she joked lightly.  
  
"Serious, Abby."  
  
"Seriously? I don't know, John. Eventually, at some point in the near future, I want to settle down. With who, I am not the slightest clue, and the all-mighty wonderful man upstairs is not allowing me any clues or chances on cheating to find the answer. I'm tired of being confused and lost. I'm tired of thinking I have to turn to other sources of comfort in order to feel calm and pleased with who I am and what I am doing. I'm tired, John, I'm just tired of everything."  
  
"Even me?" he poked.  
  
Abby sighed and glanced around the dark room. For it to be almost eight- thirty in the morning, her house always seemed oddly dark. "No…," she hesitated. "Is this real, though?"  
  
Carter stood up, crossed the room, and turned off the radio which was still playing jazz tunes. He had his back to her as he spoke. "I have no idea. I can't tell the difference anymore. I jump at the slightest, most insignificant feelings anymore. To me, everything is real, whether it is or not. I'm so sick and tired of being lonely, Abby. I want to be where you want to be. I'm tired of not having someone to be there for me when I need someone." He turned around, begin to head toward the couch, and paused, "I don't think I can answer you, Abby. I just don't know."  
  
She shook her head, laid the pillow beside her, and stood up. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she spoke, "I don't know, either, John. And I don't think I have the energy to play games. At this point in my life, the one thing that I need is certainty. If I am uncertain of something, I lose all grasp of reality. I slip. I can't slip, John, I just can't."  
  
They met midway in the room. Time seemed to stop for an instant. With deep emotions, they held onto one another. Yet, in their hearts, they were separate. She released first, pulling away. Tears of frustration flushed from her eyes, and ran down her cheeks. Reaching across time, he brushed them aside. "Don't cry, Abby. I'll never leave you. We will always be there for one another."  
  
She nodded slowly, and smiled a weak smile, "I think that we both know what we need to do."  
  
His head fell and he nodded in agreement, "I think we do."  
  
Abby stepped forward and kissed him gently on the cheek, "I know that we both made a mistake. It wasn't intentional, we couldn't help it. It's what we both needed, that little touch of security. The only problem is, we fell into that small space of false security."  
  
With that, John steeped back slightly, "Abby, I don't want this to change our relationship. We can't let anything come between everything that we have been through together."  
  
"Nothing will come between our friendship, John, I promise. Besides, you are the only person that I know who knows the twelve steps by heart."  
  
They both laughed in an uneasy manner. "Well, I'd better go grab my things. I really need to head home and check on Gamma."  
  
Abby nodded, "Right. I need to call Kerry, too. I have to find out if I am getting paid for all of this time off. If not, I'm going to have to take a job as a waitress at Doc's until this whole thing passes over. Smallpox carrier or not." She smiled softly, and reached for John's hand. "I'll see you around?"  
  
He took her grasp and squeezed gently, "Of course."  
  
~~~~~  
  
The next few days slipped by slowly. She spoke with no one, nor did she leave her apartment. Over the last seventy-two hours, deep thought had moved through her brain. For once, she was certain of one thing.  
  
Taking a quick shower, Abby raked through her closet and quickly dressed. Running a brush through her damp hair, she gave herself one last look. "Well, here goes nothing."  
  
Twenty minutes later, she was standing outside destiny. Checking her watch, she knew he would be home. Stepping through the door of his apartment building, she made her way towards his door. Pausing for an instant, she knocked gently.  
  
"Who is it?" The voice of her love came from within the walls of the room on the other side of the door.  
  
"Umm…it's me, Luka. Abby." She stepped back from the door as he opened it.  
  
"Hey, there? Is it safe for you to be out?" He smiled lightly and moved aside for her to step in.  
  
"I think so. If not, I just put the entire city of Chicago in danger."  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"I think, at this point, you're immune to pretty much anything."  
  
He closed the door behind her, "So, what brings you here?"  
  
He headed to the kitchen, shut the burner on the stove off, and removed a pan from the stove top to a pot holder on the counter.  
  
"Well, I'm not really sure." Abby followed him into the kitchen, and leaned against the bar.  
  
Luka turned around from the counter and their eyes met. Both of them smiled, yet neither of them looked away.  
  
"I sort of figured you were with Carter," Luka spoke slowly.  
  
A tinge of pain crossed Abby's body, "Umm, no, I haven't talked to him in a few days."  
  
Luka nodded, "Oh, so…is everything okay between you two?"  
  
Slightly confused, she shrugged, "Well, what do you mean by 'okay', Luka?"  
  
He sighed, hesitated, then spoke, "I just thought that you two were seeing one another. At least, that's what the word is at work. Besides, I had noticed you two spending a lot of time with one another."  
  
Abby stood-up straight, "Carter and I were…well, we were together, sort of. It wasn't right, though. He's not the one for me." She smiled, "I sound like an old woman, 'the one for me'."  
  
Luka appeared slightly uncomfortable, "Sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"Oh, no." Abby fell silent, the spoke, "I mean, John and I are friends, Luka. We've both been through a lot of the same experiences. We tried to take it to another level, it just…well, it just didn't work. Our hearts were not in it. We're friends, Luka, nothing more. Carter is just a really good friend."  
  
"Right." Luka reached for a dish towel and wiped off a small stain from the counter. Tossing the towel back into the sink, he turned around, "So, what are you doing here."  
  
Abby wavered. Sighing, she spoke, "I think I found the one."  
  
Luka looked confused, "The one?"  
  
"The one for me, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with." Abby looked up on him with sullen eyes.  
  
Luka remained silent, apparently unsure of how to respond to such a significant remakr.  
  
"Luka, I'm sorry."  
  
"What are you sorry for?" he asked defensively.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry if I hurt you," Abby replied.  
  
"We both did our share of hurting one another, Abby. It was a joint effort." Luka came out from behind the counter. Reaching for Abby, he placed both hands on her hips and smiled.  
  
"So, this 'one', is he good looking?" He looked down upon her.  
  
"He's handsome. A real knight in shining armor." She smiled and looked into his eyes.  
  
"Ahhh…and this man would be, who?"  
  
Abby hesitated, pulled away from him, and headed to the window.  
  
"Abby? What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Luka made a move to follow her, then stayed back.  
  
She turned away from the window, her eyes growing misty by the moment. "Luka, stop it. We both know who it is, who this man of my dreams is." She hung her head down, wringed her hands, and fell back against the window pain. "I'm falling in love with you all over again, Luka." She smiled apprehensively to assure her own emotions, and whispered, "I don't think I ever stopped loving you."  
  
Luka walked slowly towards her, stopping inches from where she stood. "Abby."  
  
She looked up at him, afraid to hear what he was going to say.  
  
"Abby, I never stopped loving you, either." He paused, "I…well, I think that we just fell apart for a while. It happens, everyone needs space. We just, we took our space for granted and didn't communicate very well." His gaze rose above her and he drifted out the window, "Abby, I don't know you. I don't know anything about you."  
  
Lifted emotions fell, "Luka, I didn't tell you anything about me. I have this problem with honesty…or, at least honesty which is going to put myself or someone else in a compromising situation. If you don't find out, well, then I'm not going to tell you unless I just have no other choice."  
  
"So, you could say, being upfront is not your best quality, eh?"  
  
Abby smiled, "You could say that."  
  
Luka reached for her hand, and she took his. Quietly, he led her to the couch. Sitting down together, their hands never released.  
  
"Luka, I want to be honest with you. There are things that you just do not know about me, and as much as I hate to tell you, I think it's for the best."  
  
He remained silent, as if he was afraid to speak, afraid she would lose touch.  
  
She turned her face, "Luka, I'm an alcoholic. I had been sober for nearly six years, but I fell a few months ago."  
  
Sighing, Luka spoke, "I know."  
  
Abby looked up, slightly confused, "How?"  
  
"Carter, he told me."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"He had his good intentions, Abby. I just…well, I didn't believe him. Basically, I didn't want to believe him. I didn't know where we stood, Abby, I didn't want to intervene and hurt you. Worst yet, I didn't want to destroy any chances at a future together we had."  
  
A moment of silence swept through the apartment. Outside, birds were chirping as the sun was silently setting. The day was almost over, yet something new on the horizon was just beginning.  
  
Luka shook his head, then looked up, "God, Abby, I wish I would have listened to him. I mean…I didn't know what to believe. I hoped he was just taking things out of context, over-examining the situation. I knew something wasn't right with you, though. I just…."  
  
"Luka, you didn't know. Our situation was complex. Carter told you because well, he's Carter. John cares about everyone and everything, but he also tries to make leaps and bounds to come out on top of every circumstance. He told you because I think he thought you would help and do the opposite of what you did, intervene. John didn't know where we stood." She paused, "He didn't know where we stood."  
  
"Where do we stand?" Luka let go of her hand and leaned back.  
  
"Together, I hope."  
  
He nodded gently, and reached for her. She took hold, vowing never to let go. Within moments, they were locked.  
  
Abby laid her head gently upon his shoulder, "Thank-you, Luka," she murmured.  
  
"For what?" He pulled back and looked upon her.  
  
"For not letting me slide."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Even on a day like this when you're crawling on the floor  
  
Reaching for the phone to ring anyone who knows you anymore  
  
It's all right to make mistakes  
  
you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Staring at the same four walls, have you tried to help yourself  
  
The rings around your eyes they don't hide, that you need to get some rest  
  
It's all right to make mistakes  
  
you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Take time to catch your breathe and choose your moment  
  
Don't slide  
  
Even at a time like this when the morning seems so far  
  
Think that pain belongs to you but it's happened to us all  
  
It's all right to make mistakes  
  
you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Take time to catch your breathe and choose your moment  
  
Don't slide  
  
You brought this on yourself  
  
and it's high time you left it there  
  
Lie here and rest your head  
  
and dream of something else instead  
  
Don't slide  
  
for the 'phone to ring anyone who knows you anymore  
  
It's all right to make mistakes, you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Staring at the same four walls, have you tried to help yourself  
  
The rings around your eyes they don't hide, that you need to get some rest  
  
It's all right to make mistakes you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment  
  
Don't slide  
  
Even at a time like this when the morning seems so far  
  
Think that pain belongs to you but it's happened to us all  
  
It's all right to make mistakes you're only human  
  
Inside everybody's hiding something  
  
Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment  
  
Don't slide  
  
You bought this on yourself and it's high time you left it there  
  
Lie here and rest your head and dream of something else instead  
  
Don't slide. 


End file.
